Mother's Day

Jaida,

Today is Mother's Day. It should be a joyful day, but when someone as precious and as loved as you are, isn't here to share it with me, it completely defeats the purpose. First thing this morning, Katie and her class sang "Thank you Lord For Mother's" in church. It was so precious!! Then Uncle Adam and Amanda came over. Everything was fine. We watched movies and laughed. When they left, I immediately began shaking and sobbing. I had actually been keeping it together for a while now learning to live without you, but today really took a toll on me. I still cry everyday, but I haven't broke down in a while. Not one person mentioned you at all before I broke down. Maybe that's why. Nobody remembered that you are also my child. I realized this then called my Aunt Bonnie to tell her Happy Mother's Day from her Angel Jessica. The moment I said it, she got quiet. She asked me to repeat it again, so I said "Happy Mother's Day from Jessica" again, and silence one more time. Finally she asked me what I meant. At this time I thought I had said the wrong name. So I asked her if her daughter who had passed was named Jessica. Instantly she started bawling. She told me that after 27 years, I was the first person to tell her Happy Mother's Day from Jessica. We cried together for a good 5 minutes. She was so happy that I had remembered!! How could I forget?? That is something in common that we share. An unspoken bond. Jaida, I miss you terribly!! I guess I'm back at square one trying to find a new normal, but I'm getting there. I speak your name every chance I get, so that no one forgets you. I will keep your name alive. Your big sisters are my rock. They are strong when I can't be. You would be so proud of them. Your baby sister is almost walking now. I have told her about you and showed her your pictures many times. Today my dad and I had a nice conversation. We were suppossed to go to visit Grandma's grave today, but we forgot about it. Once I remembered I called him, and we both cried talking about how much we miss you and Grandma. It was nice to have someone to talk to about you. I've reached out to many other Mom's who have lost babies, and they really have their own thing going on, so it really helped to be able to share how I was feeling with someone. Please give Grandma and Grandpa a big hug and kiss from all of us here. And tell God and Jesus that I say "Thank you for taking good care of my Angel." Mommy loves you!! I can't wait to see you!!!