Today, 4 years ago, I checked myself into John C. Lincoln hospital at 5:30am. I was induced into labor, and was anticipating meeting my 3rd daughter. Within a few hours, I had a feeling that something may be wrong. Every other time I had an epidural, I felt nothing. This time, it was painful when I layed on my left side, so I tried to stay on my right side. The nurses told me that when I did, my baby would go into distress.
I had no idea what was in store for me.
On this day you were still alive. I could feel you moving and kicking. I had so many hopes and dreams for you. I wanted you so badly, to hold in my arms, to kiss, to teach, and to love. I couldn't wait to see what you looked like, and to hear you cry. For 9 months, I tried to come up with the perfect name for you. A name that you would live with for the rest of your life. A name that would define you. Little did I know that you would only live for 38 minutes. Naming you was the least of my worries.
Now, 4 years later, I live with this void in my heart. The world kept on spinning, and mine stayed frozen in time. Nothing could have prepared me for those words my Mother had to speak to me, "They couldn't save her. I'm sorry".
There isn't a moment that I don't think of you. I'll miss you forever.

It's been so long since I have written you. I'm very sorry for that. I still talk to you everyday. You are always in my thoughts, and I speak your name every single chance I get. Two days ago, your Uncle Adam, and your Aunty Amanda gave birth to a tiny and perfect little Angel. She was so precious. Her name is Isabella Angel Leighton. My heart breaks for them, because I know exactly how they are feeling. I wish I could just take their pain away. Seeing that beautiful baby brought up so many emotions that I have been suppressing. I miss you so much Jaida!! And I miss Isabella. I felt so honored that Amanda chose me to be her God Mother. I also helped pick her name. (Well the shortened version)  Jaida, can you please ask Jesus to comfort your Uncle and Aunt?? And also please take good care of sweet Isabella. She is another star in the sky. I miss you and her with all of my heart and soul. I cannot wait to be with you both. Until that day comes, I will never forget you both. You have taken a piece of me with you and I will never be whole until I am there in Heaven with you.
Oh yeah, I'm getting my Jaida bear soon!! Finally!! I cannot wait to give it a big hug <3
I love you and Isabella to the moon and back!!
Love,
Mommy