Losing Jaida Grace

Today, 4 years ago, I checked myself into John C. Lincoln hospital at 5:30am. I was induced into labor, and was anticipating meeting my 3rd daughter. Within a few hours, I had a feeling that something may be wrong. Every other time I had an epidural, I felt nothing. This time, it was painful when I layed on my left side, so I tried to stay on my right side. The nurses told me that when I did, my baby would go into distress.
I had no idea what was in store for me.
On this day you were still alive. I could feel you moving and kicking. I had so many hopes and dreams for you. I wanted you so badly, to hold in my arms, to kiss, to teach, and to love. I couldn't wait to see what you looked like, and to hear you cry. For 9 months, I tried to come up with the perfect name for you. A name that you would live with for the rest of your life. A name that would define you. Little did I know that you would only live for 38 minutes. Naming you was the least of my worries.
Now, 4 years later, I live with this void in my heart. The world kept on spinning, and mine stayed frozen in time. Nothing could have prepared me for those words my Mother had to speak to me, "They couldn't save her. I'm sorry".
There isn't a moment that I don't think of you. I'll miss you forever.