Guilt

The other day, my mom pointed out to me that I am spending too much time on my grief. That the pills that I'm taking are making me lose interest in my other children. I have noticed that I haven't spent much quality time with my daughter Katie, who is home all day with me. I feel guilty beyond belief!! I love ALL 3 of my daughters!! Two in which is my reason for getting up in the morning, and the one in heaven in which is the one who keeps me from wanting to get up at all. I don't blame her, I blame myself!! It's just hard, and is going to take time.
Even after a year I still find it difficult to complete daily tasks. I forget to eat, and my children have to tell me "mom I'm hungry" otherwise it would just slip my mind!!  Okay, now reading what I just typed, it makes me sound like I'm a bad mom or something. I'm not.
Katie asked me to make a pinata after seeing it on pbs. Needless to say, I made one with her. It felt good to do something fun and random with her. She cant wait until it dries so we can decorate it!!
Lord, I pray for understanding from the people in my life, that this is a hard and uncharted road that I am dealing with day to day. I pray for the strive to get up everyday, and spend as much quality time with my girls as I can, before they grow up and don't need me anymore. I pray that you walk down this road along side of me. Please send Jaida my love!! In Jesus name, Amen