Jaida Grace Leighton was born on September !st, 2010 at 2:00 am in Phoenix, AZ. She weighed 6lbs. 10oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. Jaida passed away 38 minutes later. This is my story of life after losing her.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Numb
Lately I've felt so numb. I dropped your toy drive donation box off, and I didn't have that feeling of accomplishment like I expected to have. I guess that I thought it would bring me some peace, that I did something to honor you and help out the community this Christmas, but it felt like a big let down. I should be giving you presents for Christmas. I have been thinking about God a lot lately. We share something in common. We both have lost a child. A child that we created. It makes me feel closer to God than ever before. Yet, I still have been avoiding going to Church. I don't feel like I am accepted there. Like I'm judged. I forgive my pastor for telling me that you weren't in Heaven because you weren't baptized. I just feel that I don't want to belong to a congregation that believes such idiocies. I know that you are in Heaven. I will see you there when my time comes. I long for you, my child. I'll love you til the end of time.
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That is an awful thing for someone to say to a mom who lost there baby. No matter who you are. Honestly I would like a pastor would be more compassionate. No matter what religion, I truly believe all babies go to heaven. They are pure and perfect, they have done nothing wrong, nothing evil in them. They are as pure as pure can be baptized or not. Where ever heaven is, she is there. I wonder if there is an extra special place for our babies. <3
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